All sorts of pasty-related news falls into our hands here at Crantock’s. This is one of the more worrying news stories we’ve seen:

A man from Merthyr Tydfil who has been hailed the king of ‘Pasty Smashing’ with an official name change by Deed Poll after a supermarket food-fight got well and truly out of hand.

Comedy duo Greg Lewis (27) and his workmate Nigel Sullivan (34) have made coworkers laugh in their onsite canteen since they began stacking shelves at a local supermarket, but after a workplace argument, a food fight of massive proportions broke out and pasties became the order of the day! Greg, who changed his name earlier this week to Dr Pasty-Smasher Omelette said: “Nigel and I are the jokers at work and I could not believe it when he actually threw a pasty at me across the canteen. Everyone found it hilarious and started comparing me to ‘Omelette’ out of Lee Nelsons ‘Well Good Show’.

"Comedian" Greg Lewis changed his name by Deed Poll to Dr Pasty-Smasher Omelette.

“The name has stuck and I was crowned not only the food fight champ but ‘Dr Omelette’. Some of the lads at work had remembered seeing the Big Brother episode where some of the housemates had changed their names by Deed Poll and suggested that I do the same.  After some convincing, I finally took the plunge and made my name change official.

Dr Omelette has now changed the name on his passport and a driving license and intends to make his new moniker a permanent fixture.”

Now then, we like to think of ourselves as having a strong knowledge of the pasty and the way it should be treated. Therefore we worry when we see this kind of story, especially when it has been plastered over the pages of The Metro.

The smashing of a pasty is nigh on sacrilege. Pasty throwing, whether for a joke or some other reason, is certainly not funny; it is a waste of a good pasty.

We are also deeply suspicious that Dr Pasty-Smasher Omelette is not a real doctor. In our experience doctors concentrate on saving lives, not destroying those of the humble, innocent pasty by throwing it across a canteen. We love pasties and encourage you to do the same. At the very least we ask you to keep all pasties away from “Dr Omelette” so that we can save as many as possible from his terrible, pasty-smashing ways.

Please remember – A pasty is for lunch, not for launching.

Til next time.